If someone asked me today what my definition of reality was I would reply, "what is is, and is probably going to be and there is probably not a whole lot I can do about it" but,,,that does not mean I do not have faith and hope, "I do", "lots of it", I am just living in my "real world", mostly black and white, wish I could find more gray sometimes.

No real change in Dar's condition today, this morning I was quite excited that Dar greeted me with many smiles and joyous appearance.I left for work with hope and anticipation of great reports from Jamie throughout the day.

To say the least I was "bummed out" most of the day. I am always glad and happy to get home to Dar at the end of my day at school, but I must be truthfull in saying that I am just a bit worried that I am missing something. Is something going on elsewhere in her tiny body that is causing her to feel so lousy. Am I asking the right questions, looking in the right places, adding up all the "sums" of what I might think is going on and coming up with the correct possibility. I don't know.

I have emailed Dr Doherty and Dr. Waters again hoping they might point me in a direction that will lead to a "soon" recovery for Dar. There are so many possibilities with Dar, her trach, her pump, the new placement of the porta cath, are they all interrelated some how? Are her "meds" doing what they should, is this possibly all related back to her recent UTI, is it gone, did she and is she still having some sort of a reaction to the UTI med?

These questions and so many more engulf my brain constantly during the day, and to be honest I am just a bit concerned as I said before.

Tomorrow Dar and the girls are headed to Paradise to see both doctors Darwin and Lang. I pray that they will be able to shed new light on Dar’s condition. I am anxiously waiting to hear from Dr. Doherty and what her thoughts might be.

If we receive no real answers tomorrow do I continue to weather the storm or do we make another trip to the Enloe ER and have tests done to clear any suspicion of other possibilities? Does Dar have some other “bug” that is causing all of this?

Yes, this is my reality, very black and white in the sense of what I can see and touch, but very gray with respect to what might be, what I can’t see and touch, what is out of my control. Faith, hope, you bet I have it, why, because I believe in God above and I believe in Dar, probably the most courageous person I know. To be in the “place” she is and still have the ability to laugh, cry and find sooo many reasons to be happy, yes she is my hero on earth, my best friend.

Please pray that God’s hand will be very active tomorrow as the girls head off to see the doctors. Please pray that answers will be found. Please pray that as others and I helping Dar with this “journey” will be replenished in spirit and physical strength as we continue this “marathon” back to life.

God bless you all,
Love to all.
Dar/Danny/Jamiesue