"3 little words can have such an impact"

July 27, 2009
Post update #2

Tammy Spitzer, Ryne's mom has truely been as I call her an "Angel In Service". Tammi has without a second thought taken it upon herself to make sure that Dar and I stay in touch by cell phone. Each day sometimes twice Tammi finds her way to Dar's room or where ever Dar's chair might be to hold her cell phone up to Dar so that we can talk and stay in touch.

These phone calls have grown to be the highlight of my day. Mind you, these calls are not just laid back conversations, these calls often times and most times turn into breathing excersise for Dar and a continuation of her daily therapies. Keeping Dar on task.

Tonight I got a very cool surprize. Normally when I call, Tammi and I speak for a moment and then Dar gets on the phone. Tonight was different. Instead of hearing Tammi first I heard Dar say very clearly "hi", I could not keep from smiling. When I told Dar that I loved her, with 3 very distinct breathes I heard Dar repeat those 3 same words back. It took her a moment and I have learned to wait for her to get the words out before I speak back. Tammi you have know idea how much these calls mean to me, and you truely are an Angel. Boy am I glad you guys won the "Armchair Quarterback" game. LOL LOL :) :) :). Thank you LB2

Got word today through Kaylinn that on Friday Dar and I will be headed to San Francisco to go back and see Dr. Mark Currey and a speech therapist about Dar's vocal cords. This will be a big event and I hope we will see some relaxation in her vocal cords.

Going to be a busy weekend with family coming and our trip to Marin General on Monday.

Continue reading below and this mornings post will follow, thank you everyone for your prayers and support and Tammi, YOUR A GEM.

God bless,

Dar/Danny

"A Dedication to Darlene"

July 27,2009

Dar's weekend was very good, alert, on task, and full of personality.

Dar is showing some signs periodically of food residuals in her stomach that cause her a little discomfort at times. We are following this by checking her residuals every four hours and stopping the feeding tube if neccassary for a short period of time. I do not want to start the Reglan again unless it is absolutley a "must". Time will tell.

We spent most of the day on Saturday outside on the front deck with Maverick and other residents and just enjoyed the beautiful day together.

I left very late Saturday night so that I might come home and get a jump start on my continuing mission to find these 2 extra quarters of income credit so that Dar will qualify for Social Security Disability. We spoke twice on the phone on Suday and Dar was again in great spirits and looking forward to my soon return. I might even surprize her one afternoon after work this week. She will be stoked, hope I can pull it off.

Christine and family plan on coming this weekend and Diane plans on returning again the weekend of the 15/16. Dar Will be excited to learn that her sisters are coming again.

Today I will begin looking into what I have hope will be answers to this hurdle. I guess if all else fails I will have to look into "representation", maybe Binder and Binder as seen on TV. I have started looking into and at their website. If you have suggestions please feel free to drop me an email or a comment at the end of each post.

My email address is "cntrydjpro@sbcglobal.net".

This morning on my way to work, listening to the radio a song came on that I had not heard in some time. Again I was reminded of how much Dar means to me, in closing I would like to dedicate this song to her again and thank her for being my friend and my wife.

Have a great day everyone and thank you again for your prayers and support. Dar's home facelift fund is growing slowly and I would like to thank all that have contributed. Than you so much. Dar and I look forward to having a huge "homecoming", and showing you all what you have done to make our lives much easier. Thank you so much.

"Keeper of the Stars" Tracy Byrd

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew
Now I just cant believe youre in my life
Heavens smilin down on me
As I look at you tonight

I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
Ive got all Ill ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

Soft moonlight on your face oh how you shine
It takes my breath away
Just to look into your eyes
I know I dont deserve a treasure like you
There really are no words
To show my gratitude

So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
Ive got all Ill ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew

Love to all, Danny

"Onward we go, Upward we stride"

July 25, 2009

The battles rage on.

Yesterday I returned to the Social Security Administration to only leave more frustrated.

I was successful, or at least I think I was in getting Dar signed up for SSID, (supplemental security insurance disability), a program that will allow her a small cash award and Medical benefits. The problem with this program and the beginning of my frustration is that this benefit will only last as long as she is at CareMeridian, when she comes home she will not qualify because my wages and resources then come into play.

I was amazed at the things I had to do in order to get Dar qualified. I had to transfer her car into my name and close our joint savings and checking account. Virtually reduces Dar to nothing. This being done Dar now qualifies for the SSID program, but only as long as she resides outside our home. Once home, because I have too large and income and to many resources all these temporary benefits will cease.

Now, if we factor in the other program available to Dar, Social Security Disability, which she will be denied very soon because she is 2 (two) quarter credits short in the last ten years of meeting the 20 credit requirement. Now you can probably see of my frustration. The way the program works is that you earn credits based on your earnings and what you have paid over the years. Unfortunately Dar did not pay into the system over a period of years as a public school teacher. Most of Dar’s teaching history is in the “Christian Schools” where Social Security was taken, her last 10 years of “reporting period” was while teaching for the Public School System and most recently the Post Office and Wal-Mart. Soooo, Dar has earned 18 credits in the last ten years but needs to have 20 credits in order to qualify for SSDI. You can’t buy them, I don’t know if Dar can share 2 of mine in a tax year that we file jointly?? Do the same rules apply that because we are married and legally she shares half, those same rules that would cancel her benefit when she comes home, would those same rules allow me to split with her my 4 credits earned in a tax year that we file jointly??

As we pay into the System each year we are allowed up to 4 quarters of credit per year based on the specific years wage earnings. For example: For 2009 the wage is $1050.00 per quarter, so if you earn 1050.00 per quarter times 4 quarters in a year, you will earn the max credits of 4 for the year 2009. In 2008 the wage was 1000.00 in 2007 the wage was 960.00. It drops as the years descend.

The nuts and bolts of this is that in 2005 we filed jointly but Dar took a year off from teaching, (no SSI) deductions, my question is this. I earned 4 credits for that year; we filed jointly, could she be entitled to 2 of my 4 credits for that year as husband and wife.

IF ANYONE CAN HELP OR KNOWS SOMEONE THAT CAN HELP PLEASE COME FORWARD, I REALLY COULD USE SOME GUIDANCE.

The really sad part of all this is that we are only talking at the most a couple thousand dollars income for Dar to qualify for these last two credits.

I am looking into a couple of possibilities that may help but I won’t be able to do much until Monday.

I find it so discouraging that we open our borders to all who have nothing and give them aide and assistance but yet we turn away our own because one of the partners has too much income and resources. Have they seen my paycheck? They make it sound like we are filthy rich, quite the opposite, we are just like most Americans, living from paycheck to paycheck, done some planning for the future, have worked hard for what they do have and then be told it is too much. Here’s another one that I hope gets you fired up!!!!!!!

Divorce, yep it happens, used to happen quite frequently, in order to save what one has worked so hard and to qualify one of the spouses divorce has been in the past an alternative. Guess what, that too is now being scrutinized, claims rejected, denials made, you had better not present yourself to anyone as a couple or still husband and wife though divorced for medical reasons. The anvil will fall, so what is one to do. We are screwed. I’m screwed. Could really use some help. If you know someone or can point me in the right direction, please let me know. I really need to find a way to get these two credits for Dar. If this is achieved many of our “issues” will be resolved.

On the lighter side, Dar is doing very well these last several days. Still have some residuals in the stomach that the staff is monitoring. Starting a paper trail of documentation to present to the Dr. when needed. I do not want to have the Reglan reintroduced with out just cause.

The Modified Barium Swallow test is scheduled for August 3rd at 1:00pm at Marin General.

Dr. D saw Dar the other day and I am told she was very impressed with Dar’s progress. Dar spoke and answered Dr. D’s questions and was a total joy.

Staff all agree that they are glad Dar is no longer on strike; she is truly living up to her “scampish” name.

In closing I am including a letter I recently wrote to my immediate family and friends, in it I believe you will feel that I too am in need of some “special help”.

The title of the email that prompted this letter was “I love you”, (God)

Today at this moment this is a very hard concept for me to grasp, I know it to be true, but as the hurdles of each day arise I am finding it harder and harder to raise one leg then the other.

The battles seem overwhelming, the future so uncertain, time in a day, (never enough), reasons to smile, (Dar), love and commitment to my wife undaunting, need for relaxation, rest, peace: somewhere in the future.

Reasons to be thankful cannot be numbered, reasons to keep going; cannot be expressed in a way that some would or could understand.

I am tired, I am weary, I am discouraged, I am determined, I am loved, I am in need, I am thankful, I am at peace with my future and current situation and Dar and I will work together to bring honor to our family, friends and God.

I guess this make me but one thing................... Human..........with all the shortcomings, emotions, and attitudes of being a human being. I was once told and have never forgotten this phrase.

"We are not responsible for our feelings or emotions, we are responsible for how we react to them". I hope and pray I have brought honor to my wife, friends/family and God above.

I'm tired everyone and feeling lost and overwhelmed,

I love you all

Danny

" Thanks for the Rib Eye Spitzer"s

Sunday, July 19,2009

How is everyone doing, I hope all are staying cool this beautiful day. It is currently 104 at our house, A/C on and dawg and I are doing well.

Darlene had an absolutely great day yesterday. Talkative, joyous, and full of “gleam”

I arrived very early in the morning and after taking Mav on a walk through the woods we returned to the truck and I took a “truck nap for an hour or so.

About 9:30 I went in to see Dar and found her awake and ready to begin her day. One problem, she was not dressed for the day. Christy came to Dar’s room and asked me if I was ready for my next “lesson”, I asked what that might be and was told it was shower and dress time. Caught off guard I stammered and stuttered “ok”. Lets do it. So for the next 90 minutes I learned how to give Dar her shower and get her dressed and all things in between. Yes, all things.

Dar was a trooper, and totally enjoyed the attention. She is such a great sport.

After getting her dressed it was about 12:30 so we had her take a nap and got her up about 2:30 in the afternoon.

We sat in the front room with Mav tied to her chair and had a great time. All the staff fell in love with Mav and he got as much attention as Dar. He even tried to pull Dar through the house in her chair. It was quite comical. He too had a great time.

About 4:00 Dar and I went to the front porch as the sun was setting behind the house and the tall trees surrounding it. Mark and Tammy Spitzer and their son Ryne joined us. You remember Ryne was a victim of a horrible auto accident on Valentines Day in Santa Rosa.

It was such a great time being with friends and sharing stories.

About 6:00 we all retired to our rooms to get Ryne and Dar back to bed.

We all left together about 7:30 and drove to Corda Madera to a very nice steak house. Mark and I have been talking about having a big Rib eye for over a week.

I left for home about 9:30 and headed back home. I needed to be home today to finish paperwork for tomorrow’s appointment at the Social Security office. I talked with Dar about my leaving and that I would call her twice on Sunday to see how her day was. Having come to our new agreement about information that we share with Dar, she accepted my leaving without a complaint. I am sure she was looking forward to my calls.

Upon arrival home I found that the shower had all but been completed. There is one more connection to be made on Dar’s handheld shower. The shower is absolutely fantastic. My shower this morning was sorta different but nonetheless a very welcome feeling. There are pictures of the final stage in the photo gallery.

While talking to Kaylinn this morning I have learned that Dar’s Barium swallow test has been approved and will be scheduled for one day this week. I will be in attendance for this. Kaylinn was going to talk with Dar about how she wanted to get to Marin General.
As we were not able to go on our road trip with Dennis yesterday we thought we might let Dar have some input. Insurance will certainly cover ambulance transport and it is my hope this is the mode we will go so that Dar is fresh and relaxed for her test. This test is pretty important regarding the next step in Dar’s nutrition.

Both of my phone calls to Dar today were very good. Again Dar continues to grab stars from the heavens. Thank you so much for your prayers and support.

Dr. Doherty, having returned from her vacation to Spain has already emailed me and received updates as to Dar’s progress. She will be seeing Dar early this week.

Dr. Doherty has agreed to stay on Dar’s case after she returns home and we will periodically go see her as an Outpatient at Kentfield. Dr. Doherty has also agreed to research and recommend a Primary Doctor, a “Johnny on the spot” doctor and a re-hab doctor for Dar in our area. This is a huge relief for me to know that she is willing to do this for us and bigger yet, to stay with Dar and her future progress. Thank you so much Dr. D.

As I learn of the date for Dar’s test I will let you know.

On a serious note, please pray for the Spitzer family, they have learned that Ryne’s stay at CareMeridian is coming to an end, an end as early as this coming Friday. Mark and Tammy are working hard to override the “armchair bean counters” and it is my prayer that they will succeed. Ryne has come so far and yet has so far to go. He can only benefit from continuing to stay at CM. They still have days left with insurance and I pray that you will support them in your prayers. Thank you.

Well, I hope you all have a great week upcoming and I look forward to talking with you all later. Please remember me in your prayers tomorrow morning at 9:00 am, my SSI appointment.

Good night all, we love ya,

Dar/Danny/Mav

"Reaching for the Stars"

July 17, 2009

Good morning everyone,

Just a short little post to let you know that I have spoken to Dar everyday this week by speaker cell phone.

I am told she has been nothing less than a “little princess” and “Chatty Kathy” all week.

I have spoken to some of her therapists and they tell me that Dar’s strike definitely appears to be over. Dar has been “on her game” in all of her therapy sessions.

The staff is quite pleased that they have finally gotten to see the Dar we all love so much.

I must back up a little bit and tell you that at the same time we learned of the strike, Dr. Margolin also removed Dar from “Reglan”, a medication to assist in the digestion of her food in the stomach. This may have played a roll in Dar’s attitude and personality also. I tend to believe Dar was just on “strike”. The most common side affect of the medication is sleepiness and “lethargic”. There can be some worse affects in some instances; needless to say I was glad it was removed.

When I spoke with AnnMarie yesterday I learned that Dar had a “tummy” ache. This might indicate she is not getting rid of all her residual food. They will look into this further today and speak with Dr. Margolin. I will voice my concerns about the “Reglan” should they decide to put Dar back on it. I would prefer they find something else if possible.

As I am told Dar’s tummy ache did not have any affect on her personality to a great degree. What is important here is that the staff was able to ask the appropriate questions and Dar was able to give answers that led to them finding out her stomach hurt. That is a huge step in the right direction.

Dar had great sessions with the staff and I was able to speak with her in the early evening. Our good friend Tammy was gracious enough to go to Dar’s room and put Dar on speakerphone.

Dar has grabbed more stars in the last few days when it comes to her speaking. Words are much clearer and distinct. She can put together a slightly longer phrase before needing another breath this is very exciting.

We talked about the progress on the new shower that should be finished tomorrow morning or at the latest by the afternoon. It is absolutely gorgeous. I am so pleased to thank all of the guys that have worked so hard to make this come together so quickly.

Maybe this is a good time to once again thank the guys from Custom Tile of Oroville, Kendal and Chris, Bill Fox, from Fox Enterprises, Steve, from Custom Tile, John Starr, owner of Better Builders Inc, Mark and Mark, carpenters, and still to do his electrical project, Bill Sharp/Cheryl Sharp, Sharp Electric Inc, and Steve, electrician. Thank you to all of you, you have made “our” lives much better for the future.

Back to my phone call to Dar, each time I call or Tammy calls Dar is fabulous, looking forward to coming home, working hard in all of her classes and is so very happy and perky. This is such a change from a week ago. I can’t wait to see her tomorrow.

Thank you again to those of you that have “given” to Dar’s shower make over. We so appreciate your spirit. Thank you so much.

Well, I hope I have put a smile on your face this morning and I will post again as soon as I have more information. Mav and I are headed down in the morning and we wish all of you a super weekend.

Love you all,

Dar/Danny

"God has reminded me through this Little Angel"

July 13, 2009

I arrived Friday morning to find Dar much the same as she has been since arriving at Caremeridian. Very quiet, not much personality and just not up to the standard she had been at Kentfield.

We talked and chatted but she just was not her usual self. The fact of the matter was that I was beginning to suspect that she might have had some sort of relapse. Maybe something had happened and we missed it, maybe there had been some sort of a seizure or something. I have to admit I was starting to get scared.

We went outside for a bit and as the sun got a little to warm for her we retreated back to the front room of the facility. Dar would participate but was making no effort to mouth words, say I love you or do the things that she used to do before.

About noonish we went back outside to a shaded area of the porch. Amy our speech therapist came out to work with Dar but before we started she and I had a private conversation about my concerns. Amy agreed that my concerns might be well founded but that we would need to look into a few things. Things like meds, Dar’s dosage of Zoloft and things of that nature. She agreed that the staff had not seen the Dar that they had heard so much about.

Well, therapy needed to continue so Amy went about her business. Dar participated as much as she was able but lacked the drive that we were looking for. Amy asked Dar if she would like some ice cream and Dar responded with less than a cheerful yes. Dar took a couple of small bites and we watched her swallowing and it was good. Amy asked Dar if she would like to suck on a lemon swab. Dar replied with a reluctant yes. When Amy gave Dar the swab Dar sucked on it like a lollipop. Amy tried to take it away after a bit but Dar would not let her have it. Dar never bit the stick but would suck on it so hard that Amy accused her of “being on strike”.

Folks I have to tell you when Amy said that Dar burst out laughing. Laughed so hard and continued to laugh for quite awhile. Amy and I decided to run with the concept of being on strike, we asked Dar some questions that led us to find out what Dar’s problem has been since she arrived at Caremeridian.

We surmise that Dar is so acutely aware of her surroundings, so aware of what has happened, so aware that I am not there as much as she thinks I should be that she has taken control of those things in her life that she knows she can.

“ I am not going to talk, and you can’t make me”, “I am not going to answer your questions, and you can’t make me”, “ I am not going to laugh just because you ask me to and you can’t make me”, and “no, I am not going to open my mouth for your ice cream, (even if it is my favorite) and you can’t make me”.

So much of Dar’s life is controlled by others, told when she has therapy, told when to get back in bed, when to talk, when to answer questions, so on and so on.

But what I am guilty of is probably the worst. I have neglected to be honest and forthright with Dar. I escape back to the house when she is asleep because I don’t want to upset her, I don’t talk about our future because I think it might be too much for her to handle, I don’t say goodbye to her when I leave because it might make her cry.

Folks I have to say, my petite little wife of 103 pounds but me in my place. She has made it perfectly clear that I had among other things better be honest with her. I had better make phone calls on a daily basis if I am going to be gone very long between visits. I had better make a better effort to include her on the things that are happening at home and probably the most important thing I learned is that I had better make it very darn clear that when the time is right, Dar is going nowhere else other than home. I mean very darn clear.

I am amazed at the fortitude of these patients and their ability to be “aware” of their surroundings. Although they might not be able to express what they feel, they can and do process all that is going on around them and have emotions and feelings just as you and I do.

My wife is so incredible, even in her current situation she “demands” to be heard, “demands” the truth, expects respect, honor and truthfulness. Darlene I am so sorry for hurting you, so sorry for falling short, so sorry that I did not put you first.

Dar has been trying to communicate to us in the only way she knows. Take control of those things she can until someone figures it out. Then, being the “little angel” she is she lets us know that it is all ok by laughing. This is an incredible lady again thinking of others needs before her own, setting all emotions at ease with a big smile and a big laugh. All is forgiven, all is good again and I (she) am happy again. Wow, if only I could have her spirit.

So, this began a weekend of encouragement, honesty and forgiveness. Not only did those things happen, but also would you believe, Dar called the “strike” off.

Dar so returned to her “perky self” it was incredible. I n fact Dar’s whole attitude has done a complete 360-degree turn. I have spoken to her daily by phone since Sunday, and have promised her we will speak daily.

On Saturday I was certified in wheelchair to vehicle transfers. Dennis, physical therapist and I took Dar to the parking lot and I put Dar in his mini-van in both the front and rear seats. Dar was ecstatic, she did not want to get out, in fact she wanted to hear some tunes and go for a ride. How cool is that. It was decided that her little Ford Contour, which is what I have taken to driving to see her in would be a little too low for safe transfers. Our little Chevy S-10 that I drive back and forth to work would probably be okay but is not as comfortable as our Duramax. So, this week I will take it down and we will transfer Dar to the big truck and guess what, an order will be written that if Dar and I are accompanied by Dennis we can go on a road trip, a truck ride to town, and then who knows, a stroll about town in her wheelchair. She is stoked.

When we went back inside and my training continued, I have begun learning what Jamie and I will need to know about giving Dar her meds when she comes home. This little adventure again brought smiles and laughter to Dar because I have been titled as Dr. Danny, complete with white jacket and stethoscope. You would not believe the joy this brought Dar to again be assured that she would be coming home and not some “care facility” when the time is right. It will and is an awesome undertaking but I know in my heart of heart it is the correct and only thing for Dar when that time comes.

A special “barium swallow” test is going to be scheduled very soon for Dar. This is a test that will give imaging to her swallowing capabilities. Dar needs to participate in this test so it will be scheduled for when I too can be there to assist her. This test is to determine if we can start moving toward a regular diet .

Also at this time I will spend the night in the hospital attending to Dar’s needs. Meds and all, just like I will when she comes home.

I am still so amazed at how far Dar has come and can continue to come, and she has taught me so much in these last several months. She is such an amazing person.

I learned on Friday that after I left Dennis had a heart to heart with Dar. The jest of their talk was this. Dennis acknowledged that he could not imagine how Dar feels or what she might be thinking. He asked her if she felt like in her mind that her life was over. The floodgates opened and the tears ran and ran, but after a moment Dennis was able to tell Dar that yes, things are different but she can still have a full life. She has a husband that loves and believes in her, a family that loves and supports her and most of all she is making great progress. Dennis tells me that he felt like that at that moment he and Dar made a connection, they made a bond, and from what I hear of their time spent together today, they did.

Dennis tells me that Dar was fabulous today in therapy, Amy tells me that Dar was “on her game” in speech, Julie, the Activities Director said Dar was fantastic, when I spoke with Dar on the phone she was upbeat, happy, full of laughter, excited to hear of the progress on the shower, looking forward to going for a ride in the truck.

Tammy, Ryne’s mom said that Dar was as named “the little princess” all day, looked fabulous, participated in all the activities in the day room and was a completely different person than that of 3 days ago.

I guess in my efforts to protect and safeguard Dar I forgot who the ultimate protector is. She is in the best hands there is; she has the best doctor in the world, the best medicine one could ask for, His Name: Jesus.

I am so thankful for what God has done for Dar, what He will continue to do, and the stars that Dar can grab. Thank you Father.

Darlene, thank you for reminding me of what we began even before we were married, we were friends first, always honest, always able to talk and above all “always respectful of one another”, I love you,

Danny

Ps, Dar’s “make over” fund is growing; again as I know not who you are, thank you for your “gifts”, we truly appreciate your giving. I will be sure to let you all know how the first shower feels. God bless each of you.

Dar/Dan

Post update July 14,

0315 hours

Now is the perfect time to go see Dar, she would benefit so much, as would you, her friends. please go see her.

" Dar's Trach Downsized"

Afternoon all,

Dar had her trach reduced from a size 6 to a size 4 cufless yesterday, this will allow more air to move to the larynx and will make speaking easier.

She is doing very very well with the change. Her size 6 presented some difficulty upon removal, very tight, but all is good.

Dar is not wanting to talk much to the staff and hopefully I can encourage her to participate more with them. She does pretty well with me, even long distance on the phone. I think it is an emotional issue, we just have to encourage her over this hurdle. I can only imagine the thoughts that are going through her head. It must be so difficult to process all that has happened to her. She was prescribed Zoloft while at Kentfield for this very reason. Earlier she would cry quite a bit and Dr Doherty did not want to have Dar get "stuck" emotionally as she began processing all that has happened since December, so the Zoloft was ordered. It has worked very well to date but I have learned that the patient can build up a tolerance to the medication. We may have to revisit the dosage when Dr. Doherty returns from vacation.

It is my goal this weekend to try to encourage Dar to have as much involvement with the staff as she can muster. Encourage her to talk to everyone, ask for ice cream, ask for V-8 juice. I want her to start to find that comfortable place with her support staff. We know she can do it, she was earlier. Now we have to help her over this hurdle.

Soft foods, ice cream, yogurt, pudding, and V-8 juice have started again, little bits, but Dar is not showing the excitement she did at Kentfield. Hopefully I can work her through this today by phone and this weekend when I am there.

FYI, as a result of my last post, the Enterprize Record and Oroville's Mercury Register printed a very small story about Dar and her recovery. Thank you from me to the party or parties involved in this effort. Thank you also to the folks that have already contributed to Dar's Recovery. As I have no way of knowing who you are I will periodically thank all that have helped.
Sierra Central Credit Union, Account # 290404

The shower conversion is going very well. The pan was hot mopped today and the tile should be started Monday. Two days to tile, one day to grout, We might have a shower by Thursday. Thank you so much for your contributions to Dar's homecoming.

Also, have a new appointment with Social Security on the 20th of the month, I have hopes of haveing a different outcome this time. I may have inadvertently shot my own foot back in January. I am hopefull we can correct my mistake. Sounded good yesterday on the phone. I have to have Dar sign a document that will allow SSI to look at records. No big deal, we'er ready. Please pray all goes well, this is so important for her.

Will keep you posted,

Love Danny

" With Humble Heart"

July 6^th, 2009

Good morning to all of Dar’s friends and loved ones.

How do I begin to tell you all that is in my heart? How do I say thank you to God for all that He is doing in my life, in Dar’s life. How do I begin to thank all of you that have been involved in Dar’s Recovery? Where do I begin to tell all of you what is going on at this moment. How do I open myself to tell you that we have a need?

Maybe, I just begin.

I never would have expected back in December of last year that I would receive a phone call from Dar’s work at Wal-Mart, that she was being rushed to the hospital because she collapsed at work. http://www.darsrecovery@blogspot.com/

More shocking than that was to learn that Dar had quit breathing and had to be intubated on the floor at the store.

When I arrived at the ER I saw my wife, my best friend lying in a state that could only be described as frightful. My good friend Art Hatley at my side, we began a vidual that goes on to this day.

Over the course of the next days in ICU, to Dar’s move to Kentfield Rehab Hospital, to her most recent move to Caremeridian in Fairfax Dar has defied all odds, all expectations of recovery and shown the true spirit of who she is.

This tiny petit lady has shown to all that she is a fighter, she loves God, her family, her friends, and is not ready to leave any of us. Dar has chosen to defy some doctor’s belief that she will never recover, that she will never get well that she would never wake up.

As most of you know Dar woke up officially on January 5^th. That day began what will prove to be the “first day of the rest of her life” and the “first day” of what will I am sure will be a long, long road to recovery. A marathon, a journey of ups and downs, good days and bad, happy and sad.

You may or may not be aware but at this time Dar is blind, she has been accessed as a quadriplegic. BUT!!!!!!, six months ago she could not move, now she is moving legs, feet and toes, she has just started moving fingers and thumbs, Dar can talk, she can add and subtract, she has almost full memory, (some holes), she is finding her center of position while sitting up, she is beginning to again eat ice cream, yogurt, sip V-8 juice from a straw.

She knows where she is, she processes information like a champ, she cries, she has emotions, she UNDERSTANDS. She is fighting to come back to us. Dar loves her wheelchair and the ability to go out and pretend she is on her quad, she loves going for walks, listening to “The Reba” show. Dar knows the show well enough she remembers the punch lines and laughs and laughs at Reba’s TV family.

Dar may have suffered an Anoxic Brain Injury, but given time, lots of time Dar has every right to believe that the brain will find new pathways that will allow her to have as normal a life as possible. There is always hope that given time blindness, motor skills and mental process will continue for her. I plan on giving her that opportunity.

Everyday is one day closer to Dar coming back to all of us. I know the expectation of “full recovery” may be a little foolish, but Dar has already shown us all that she has every intention of “making” it as far as she can. She has already come “light years” from where she was in January.

Since Dar’s accident I have been faced with a myriad of paperwork, insurance powerhouses, “utilization review boards”, SSI, SSDI, Medical, IHSS, the list goes on.

At this moment, to date, Dar has been denied SSI, and SSDI. Without these it may make it difficult for Dar to qualify for Medical. With acceptance of SSI, Medical is an automatic. I still have hope that we will overcome thesedenials and Dar will be accepted. The battle rages on. I do have some contacts to be researched and investigated.

We presently are in a facility that our insurance allows us up to 100 days. The problem is that although I would expect to “have” those days, I have learned that they are all subject to “utilization review” on a weekly basis. What that means to you and I is that there is someone sitting in a chair somewhere making a decision when Dar “should” or will have to leave.

Someone who has no personal knowledge of Dar, any empathy or sympathy, just someone who is worried about dollars and cents. It seems totally unfair that “our” medical system has come to such a state of checks and balances. In fairness, I do believe that these “practices” may be necessary but why not allow our infrastructure of our policies be used and then begin the “review” system.

Because of our “denials” to date and knowing the type of person Dar is I feel absolutely confident that the only place Dar will go when the time comes is “home”, not a “care facility”. I know this little lady so well that she would “give up” if she were to be placed in a long-term care facility. Already beating the odds, already showing to the world what a fighter she is, already proving physicians wrong, already coming light years from where she was in December, in my heart of hearts I know Dar will continue to recover. Yes, I know it will take a very long time, yes I know at some point Dar will reach her “plateau”, yes I know what a commitment it will be to bring her home, yes I know I am taking on a lot, yes I know what I am giving up, yes I know I can’t do it alone, yes I know some will think I am crazy.

But, I took my vows of marriage to this very special lady to heart, “in sickness and in health”, “till death do us part”. I know what you might be thinking, I could still take these vows seriously and Dar could still recover, but maybe she could recover elsewhere than home. You are correct, and I respect those of you that might feel that way, but I know my wife, I know her spirit, I know what she is capable of doing and I believe that “home” is the starting place. I remain open that things can change, that things could become different.

Thus said, I have begun preparations for Dar’s “homecoming”, I have “gutted” the bathroom and am preparing to have the shower/tub combo converted to a 60x60 wheelchair accessible tile shower. Small ramps will be installed in the backyard for access to the house. The 18x22 front living room will become her Master Suite. My daughter Jamiesue has stepped up and will take on the task of being Dar’s “caregiver” while I am at work.

John Starr from Better Builders Inc, Custom Tile of Oroville, Bill/Cheryl Sharp, from Sharp Electric Inc, Bill Fox, from Fox Plumbing have all become members of Dar’s Dream Team, involved in the “face lift” in anticipation of Dar’s Homecoming”. That homecoming could be as soon as the next two weeks or as far out as October. It all depends on the “armchair” “utilization review” quarterbacks.

Now the hard part, the “humbling request”. Dar and I are not wealthy; we are just like all of you, struggling day to day in this upside down economy.

We have some savings, but we have lost over half our income because of Dar’s accident and until we are able to scale the walls, and stacks of applications for Medical and SSI I need to be “creative” and “careful” with our spending.

I have set up an account at Sierra Central Credit Union on Dar’s behalf that should anyone feel like they would like to assist/contribute you may do so.

This is so awkward, so humbling, so not me. I am without words at this point, so all I will say/do, is give the address of SCCU and leave the rest in God’s hands.

The Chico Branch of SCCU is: 352 E. 1^st, Chico Ca, 95928

The Oroville Branch of SCCU is: 1036 Oro Dam Blvd, Oroville Ca. 95966

The Yuba City Branch of SCCU is: 820 Plaza Wy, Yuba City Ca, 95991

Contributions/donations should be made out to Sierra Central Credit Union, Account # 290404.

Words will never be sufficient, thank you will never be enough, and all I can say is that with a humble and contrite spirit and heart… God Bless

All our love,

Darlene and Danny Mardilla

"Preparations Begin"

July 1, 2009
0500 Hours

In the two short weeks Dar has been at CareMeridian she has made awesome progress during her therapies. Dar has full range of motion in her legs and is able to participate without much pain while working her legs and feet. Dar is finding her "trunk muscles" and is working hard at keeping herself upright while in the seated position. Friday Dar began moving her fingers and thumb on her left hand, very exciting. Christy atributes this to the "tone" Dar has been experiencing is beginning to diminish in her upper body and the "request" from the brain is not being hampered as much as it was before. This is all very exciting news. Dar is showing full rotation with her upper and lower arms with some slow stretching and a little bit of effort. She is such a trooper and is working oh so hard at getting better.

I often get a phone call from one of the therapists during the day with an update as to Dar's progress. Each time Dar gets on the phone and I get to hear her talk and tell me she loves me. It truely makes each day better. We chat for a moment and play "simon says" and she is winning more and more.

Friday and through the weekend Dar had her good days and her better days. Friday we decided to change her dosage on her pain meds to see if she might be a little more "perky" during the day. Saturday it seemed to help. She was more like her old self than she had. Granted, the frequency of UTI's has got to make her uncomfortable and not as happy as normal but she is such a petit little gal it does not take a large dose of pain meds to put her into "la la land".

Diane, Dar’s little sister from Oregon and my daughter and granddaughter were with Dar for her birthday celebration on Sunday and we provided cake and ice cream for the staff and residents. It was a fun time for all.

I can only be excited to think about how far Dar can come over the next weeks and months. By months I mean, hopefully Dar will be able to continue her stay at CareMeridian till September early October.

That being said I must tell you the battles with insurance have already started, “utilization reviews” are done on a weekly basis and last Thursday the phrase “custodial care” was used. Anne Marie went ballistic, and informs me that all the staff is ready to do “battle” to keep Dar where she is. Dar belongs where she is and is progressing very well and needs to continue there.

Soooo, preparation has begun on the home front to prepare for “Dar’s homecoming”.
I have been in contact with one contractor in regards to remodeling the bathroom to make the shower wheelchair accessible and handicap ready. The price was what I thought to be very reasonable but I am having another contractor come out this afternoon for another quote.

Being handy myself, I could probably do the work myself with the help of some “pros” and save even more, but I am not sure I have the time.

I still continue to fight with Aflac regarding Dar’s benefits and have already turned one claim over to the Calif. Insurance Commissioner and we are awaiting their findings. I sent off another claim to Aflac on the 29th of the month and it was “denied” because Aflac was told that Dar was discharged from Kentfield back in March. I have no idea where that came from. So, yesterday I was on the phone again fighting for Dar’s benefits. I was told that it will go back for review again and I should hear something in a few days.

As we have lost at least half of our income as a result of Dar’s accident I have no choice but to fight for what I believe is rightfully hers.

I guess I will have to weigh out the prices of having the bathroom remodeled with what can be saved if I do the project and keep our savings and hopefully future Aflac benefits intact. If you have any suggestions feel free to let me know. You can always leave me a comment or drop me an email @ cntrydjpro@sbcglobal.net.

The times they are exciting, Dar’s progress is amazing, her future is what God has for her, my commitment, unwavering, Stay tuned, we are just getting started.

As far as the phrase “custodial care” and what it implies. It will never happen, When Dar is ready, Dar will “come home” to her house, to her “dawg”, to her family, to her friends, and to all of her “DREAM TEAM”.

I do have to say at this point that I am very proud of someone in particular. My daughter, Jamiesue has stepped up and said that she will attend to Dar while I am at work during the day. Such a selfless commitment from her because she too believes Dar belongs nowhere else but at home when the time is right. Thank you Jamie, thank you Brian, thank you Vanessa. You are angels and God is smiling over you.

Stay tuned folks and again thank you for your prayers and support, have a wonderful July 4th weekend and remember those who have given their lives for our freedom.

God bless you all,

Danny