"Outpatient visit today"

February 11, 2010
0600 Hours

Good morning to everyone. Call it superstition, call it “don’t burn your bridges” or maybe even “don’t mess with the man upstairs”, but I made myself a promise many months ago I was not going to use Dar’s blog site to “bash” or “go off” on those persons taking care of Darlene. Maybe something my mom and dad always said to us kids when we were growing up is still with me today. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, than say nothing at all”.

Since the beginning of this ordeal I have learned that getting angry and verbally nasty with the very people that are taking care of Dar is not such a good idea. One of the most important lessons and daily tools I left with after attending the police academy was to be polite, be respectful, I have found that I have gotten more attention when it comes to Dar’s care, just by being polite.

This is not to say that I have not been angry, not been upset, trust me, I have been, on several occasions. But even in the midst of being that angry I have found that you can still get things done. I know even better than if I was rude and nasty. I have always said to Dar’s caregivers that I will always be polite, I will always be respectful but if someone has a butt chewin coming or I want something done a differently, their gonna hear about it.

You’re probably wondering, “where is he going with this”, well it has taken me this long to settle down from the day’s events since Monday noon. Lets just say that the first few days of this week were not real good around here. Speaking for Jamie and I, we can say that as flawed as our medical system is, I am so thankful that we are capable of getting the quality of care that we do in this country.

It comes at a price though, if we as the “advocate” for a loved one do not step up to the plate and be ready to do battle with anyone that might hinder the care given to that loved one, than we loose. It means you do research, you don’t trust everything that is being said until you check it out, it means that we as the “advocate” step up and become “proactive” not “reactive”. In simple terms, we become the “mouthpiece” for our loved one, in my case one that cannot speak for herself. I truly believe that because I have chosen a proactive, respectful, polite approach to Dar’s care, God has honored that choice/decision. It also means that you might loose a little sleep and you might have to give up a few things.

We have seen and been a recipient to so many miracles for me to disbelieve what my mom and dad taught us kids, what I learned in the academy, what I learned on the streets, but more importantly what God has shown me every day. He is in Dar’s life, He is doing the work that needs to be done, I get to see the miracles everyday.

Well, maybe you can read between the lines and see how emotional this week has been for Jamie and I. It was horrible in the beginning but now it’s Friday, we are headed to Chico this morning to meet up with Dr Arragonte for “pump titration” and “Botox” injections for Dar’s fingers wrist and hands.

Dar has continued to get better everyday since coming home. Suctioning is decreasing, her spirits are great, and she had a visitor yesterday, Sherry and her granddaughter stopped by for about an hour. It brought much joy to Dar to have a visitor..

Yesterday, Dar had her first physical therapy since coming home on Tuesday; Lynn brought our new PT Guide Book, made especially for Dar. Bonnie put the book together before she left to be with her mom for a month or so. Bonnie is Dar’s PT therapist that has been so proactive for Dar. She has a lot of good ideas and has made it very easy for anyone to work with Dar.

Margie Hensley will be working with us beginning next Friday, she will be taking care of Dar each Friday and every other weekend during the day. This will allow me some time to R/R myself. Margie and her husband Mike have been part of our “extended” family for years, long before Dar’s accident. Mike is our “IT” tech here at home and a very good friend. We feel so blessed to have Margie become a big part of Dar’s Dream Team.

I will still be taking care of Dar all evenings and overnights. Jamie continues to be the best daughter a father could ask for. She is absolutely awesome when it comes to her step mom.

Still have not figured out how to have some “companion sitting” during the overnight hours as of yet. The hours that Jamie and Margie work are compensated by the IHSS program through the county. We were awarded 227 hours of outside help per month. Those hours will increase to 282 (one hour less than the max) once we have a form filled out by Dar’s doctor next week. When that happens I might be able to look at some overnight help, we’ll see. In the meantime if you have an idea let me know.

I hope and pray that none of “our” friends and family ever have to go through something like this, but if it did I pray that I might be able to “pay it forward” and be an instrument in their journey. A tool that can be used to make their burden just a bit less “over whelming”. I continue to pray daily that all of our “new”, “extended TBI families” continue to receive the blessings they so richly deserve.

Given the opportunity this afternoon, I will let everyone know how our visit to Dr Arragonte goes today. Until then, we love you all and hope you Friday is a great one. Please keep Dar in your prayers and thoughts. We love you all and thank you for all that you do.

Love to all,

Dar/Danny/Jamiesue